The Best Lizzie McGuire Fanfic Ever!
by GodKing1228
Summary: Gordo realizes why he rules, and the author yells at some lemon writers. R for cursing, and more cursing. R/R
1. Special Frankie Muniz edition!

**The Greatest Goddamned Lizzie McGuire Fanfic EVER!!!**   
by Jeremy Gordon (squalldaman@hotmail.com) 

**Note:** 11:30 PM. Bored. 

* * *

Lizzie moaned, as Gordo took off her pants. He positioned himself for the kill, and suddenly--- 

"Jesus! You guys are fucking 13 years old!" The author, Squalldaman screamed at his computer, reading yet another bad fanfic. "These people are actors. The actors are 15 years old or something. I'd hate to be surfing online and find people writing sex stuff about me and other actors." 

"UH, LIEK DUN READ IT!! READ MINE LOLOLOLOL ITS MY FIRST FANFIC EVER!!! IT'S A HOT L/G/M/E FIC, IN TEH BATHROOM! LOLOLOLOLOLOL :P" Random lemon Writer screamed at the author, in an IM. SDM (I'll be calling him that) responded with: 

"Please GTFO. I don't need your crap right now." 

Random Lemon Writer: UH PLZ READ MY FIC! I NEED 100 REVIEWS PLZ! OMG THNX =P   
SqualldamanX: STFU, prole   
Random Lemon Writer: UH THATZ NOT VRY GOOD   
SqualldamanX: Neither is your writing. 

But enough of SDM. Let's get on to the fic. 

* * *

One day, Gordo woke up and realized he was so much fucking better than the entire cast. "Goddamn, I'm so much fucking better than the entire cast!" He got out of bed and danced for a little bit, then got dressed. He ate breakfast, and went to school. 

HOLY SHIT! There was this little fuck named Frankie Muniz cashing in on Gordo's show. 

_Gordo in Interview: I respect Frankie. I really do._

"That little fuck! Cashing in on my goddamn show. I made this stupid thing. No one would watch it without me." Gordo mused, but Frankie and Lizzie and Miranda walked over to him. 

"What up hombre?" Frankie said, trying to be cool. He didn't really need to try, since he's making 6 figures a year. Who the hell cares when your making that kind of money? 

"Goddamned bastard...I mean, nm, u?" Gordo responded. Yeah, he was gonna kill them all. Someday...somehow. 

"Can't believe all these people are bugging you." Lizzie noted. This fic won't center on her, because it won't. 

"yeah, sux2bu" Miranda followd up with, as everyone stared at her. "What? I'm fucking better than all of you, except Gordo, cause he's a pimp." 

"Thank you!" 

"So, what do we do now?" Frankie asked, getting really bored. He might as well have gone home and played Superman 64. 

"DEAR GOD NO! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NO!" SDM yelled. 

"Who the hell are you?" Everyone asked. 

"Uh, a figment of your imagination. Carry on." SDM said cautiously, and faded into the background somehow. 

"I'd prefer hot sex on the schoolyard, but we have classes." Lizzie said, sad. 

"I'd prefer that too, but instead I'll go write some bad lemons." Miranda responded, as she and her friend both nodded. 

"Kneel before Zod!" As Tudgeman yelled that, Gordo ran for his fuckin' life. It was certainly better than this. 

* * *

"Right there, right there!" 

"Dammit Lizzie! *grunt grunt*" 

"Ooh, that's good!" 

"Oh my god!" 

"Thanks for the help Frankie! I couldn't glue that piece of wood to the piece of metal thing." 

"Good thing I was around." 

* * *

"THE HOT SEXY ADVENTURES OF LMG"   
by Miranda Nuffsaid (lizziemustdie@aol.com) 

* * *

"How To CURL UP IN A FUCKING CORNER AND DIE A BLOODY DEATH"   
by David Gordon (Iownyourfuckingass@hotmail.com) 

* * *

"That should do it." SDM put the final touches on his fanfic. It was a masterpiece! "Now to post it on ff.net..." 

"Hey! There's the fuck who portrayed us all wrong!" Gordo yelled, as he jumped out of the TV with a bloody knife in hand. 

"Oh shit!" SDM yelled, and ran off, with the cast chasing him. 

* * *

ALTERNATE ENDINGS 

"Hey! There's the fuck who portrayed us all wrong!" Gordo yelled, as he jumped out of the TV with a bloody knife in hand. 

AND THEN EVERYBODY DIED. 

* * *

"Hey! There's the fuck who portrayed us all wrong!" Gordo yelled, as he jumped out of the TV with a bloody knife in hand. 

SDM equipped his +5 Sword of rxxrpwnness and readied for battle. 

* * *

"Hey! There's the fuck who portrayed us all wrong!" Jay yelled, as he jumped out of the TV with a joint in hand. 

SDM ran for his life. 

* * *

THE END 

**Note:**** This is a satirical fanfic. Any cast members of LmG who read this, I enjoy your show. The acting is amazing, the storyline is phenomenal, and I--- **

*runs for his fucking life* 

R/R 


	2. Special Aerosmith edition!

**The Greatest Goddamned Lizzie McGuire Fanfic EVER!!!: Special Aerosmith Version!!!**   
by Jeremy Gordon (gordon8_26@yahoo.com) 

**Note:** GUESS WHO'S BACK BACK AGAIN SDM IS BACK HE WISHES YOU WERE DEAD 

* * *

Lizzie moaned as Gordo took off her pants. He positioned himself for the kill, as Ethan backed him up from behind. They chuckled, and dove in for the kill, as they started to--- 

*SMASH!* The residents of the neighborhood were surprised when they heard the sound of a computer being tossed out of a window. They sighed, and went back to their daily means. It had to be that crazy fanfic writer, SDM. 

Minutes later, SDM walked out of his house. Chuckling nervously, he picked up his computer as his neighbors stared at him. Walking back slowly, he broke into a run and went to set his computer back up. He opened up Wordpad, and began. 

* * *

Lizzie's Mom in Interview: How did we get Steven Tyler to be on this show? I DON'T KNOW. 

Steven Tyler (OF AEROSMITH!!! YEAH!1111 w00t \m/ rock \m/) in Interview: I hate my life. I wish I was DEAD. Except for that sexy Gordo, the cast of this show makes me want to kill myself. Oh yeah, and Aerosmith is better than Led Zeppelin. \m/ rock on \m/ 

Gordo in Interview: Steven is a BADASS. He ain't a hater, yo. He checkin' it fly diggity fresh, twenty fo' seven. For real, right? 

Director: Gordo! They hired a black kid already! You don't need to speak in ebonics anymore! 

Gordo in Interview: Thank GOD. 

Gordo walked through the doors at his school. Oh cruel world...he really, really hated his life. How he wanted to kill them all. He saw the people he had to work with, and sighed. Another day, another daydream of instantaneous DEATH. 

"Anyways, I saw this cute guy, and I was like dang! He's fine!" Lizzie chuckled, as Miranda stared at her in disbelief. 

"Shit, I was like, good gracious, ass is bodacious, but you don't see me bragging about it. Just shut up now, okay? It'll be over soon." Gordo's face was grim, as he stared at his feet. 

"Why're you hatin'? Right, Miranda?" Lizzie turned to her friend, to get backup. 

"I wish you were dead." Miranda threw an evil glare at Lizzie, shocking the blond pop star (yes, another) in disbelief. 

"God, just let me die...what? Now? Uh, okay...WOW! IT'S STEVEN TYLER!" Gordo screamed in shock, staring at the wall. 

Steven Tyler kicked through the wall, with a microphone in hand. He got ready for his big musical number, and then... "Lizzie's got a gun...Lizzie's got a gun...what has her daddy done? Lizzie's got a gun..." 

"Shit, Lizzie's got a gun! Run muthafuckaz, ruuuuun!!!!!" The token black guy screamed, as Lizzie's classmates followed in suit and RAN. 

"Oh, you silly bastards...what farsical bastards they are." Gordo smirked, shaking his head. 

"Tru dat homey, tru dat..." Miranda nodded, high fiving Gordo. 

"Don't touch me. I'm like Prince." Gordo swatted away Miranda's hand. 

"What's going on?" Lizzie really didn't know what was going on. 

"Can I go now?" Steven Tyler asked, and before anyone could answer, he flew away into the sky. 

* * *

SDM laughed. "Ahahaha! I am so witty and smart! Oyezoyezoyezoyezoyez! Rock the casbah!" 

Suddenly, Steven Tyler jumped out of the TV in SDM's room. "Hey! There's the bastard who portrayed us all wrong!" Joe Perry and the rest of Aerosmith jumped out as well. 

"Shit!" SDM screamed, cowering. 

"Wanna get drunk and cruise the streets?" Tyler asked, magically producing a beer. 

"Damn, FURREAL." And so began the journey of SDM and Aerosmith! 

THE END 

* * *

Sorry, no alternate endings. R/R, you fiends! 


End file.
